Tale of Tayla Who Lost Herself


People tell many stories about those who sold their souls and entered the dark way. Well then, listen to the tale about Tayla, about Tayla from the dark High-waters.

Long time ago this story occurred. Years ago, or maybe, centuries ago it happened. And I'll tell you how it was.

Tayla was young and little time passed since she left people, but she remembered herself, she left a human casing of the spirit and lived in the High-waters.

It started to seem her that her life was gloomy. There was something that she had not experienced yet. Her life was not right, and people were happier with their life.

So once she met a man, a young man, grieving over the loss of his wife. He grieved desperately, not leaving her grave for a moment at night or day. Neighbors brought him food and drink, but their attempts to take him from the grave failed. Tayla was watching him from afar; she was watching him furtively, so that he wouldn't notice her. And disarrayed she was, because the feeling man had was strange for her, because she didn't know it. And even if she once knew, she had forgotten, and other things filled her heart. And she decided to find out how it feels to be human.

That man's grief was over his lost human happiness. And Tayla lost her peace - she wanted to understand what human happiness is. What is it? Maybe, it is what she misses in her life, her path, her aspirations so much.

And she left the one who was her pair, and went to the house of that man and came down to his house. She came around at night, so no one would see where she came from and, going in circles and messing up her traces, she reached his home in the morning.

He opened the door and saw her. She was beautiful, but his heart was filled with grief, he was depressed and didn't notice how pretty she was. But she was persistent and asked whether he needed a house worker. She called herself Deborah for him and said that she was looking for a job; she said that she left home to seek better life and thought that he might need a helper at home. He agreed and she stayed with him.

And Tayla-Deborah stayed with him and lived with him, lived for several years. There is nothing amazing in fact that then it was three of them. He married her, and she became his wife and was bringing up their child.

How did they live? - You might ask. They lived not bad. Not bad at all. Both of them could work, both of them liked to work, so they didn't have any trouble. Deborah-Tayla was a good wife, she was so tender, she knew how to listen, she knew when to say a word, and she cherished her family.

And her husband was a good man, loving and tender. He loved Deborah and loved his family. He was glad with the fact there was peace, wealth and joy in the house. They laughed, they joked. They spent all of their time with each other.

And it seemed to Deborah that it was always like this. And this is the only way to live. She had always lived like this, and she was always near that house, that man, that child.

Besides, in a year there were four of them.

But one day her husband had a weird dream: he stood in a cave and from one of its labyrinths a young man approached him, and asked him. His request was strange. "Refuse from her!" - he asked. "Refuse from her, because you ruin her - you don't realize it yourself. You are killing her without any use and any sense!"

But Deborah's husband didn't give a bit of importance to his dreams. And Deborah lived with him as usual.

And she lived with him for a long time. When she was recalling something about herself, she would immediately forget it, and then again so happy and so slow her being went. Kids laughed and quarreled, a cow mooed, and corn ears filled with power and it was time to harvest.

And suddenly, when she was standing before the mirror brushing her rich chestnut hair, she saw herself in the mirror. But it was not Deborah, but Tayla. And Deborah's knees gave way.

"You have forgotten yourself - Tayla said, - you have lost you soul!"
"Leave me alone! - whispered Deborah, - disappear! You don't exist!"

And Tayla grinned, and stepped back to the darkness of the mirror. And Deborah breathed with relief.

But at the same moment Tayla rushed forward through the light fabric of the mirror's surface, and the mirror broke into pieces. So Tayla was now standing before Deborah, Tayla was standing over Tayla, and she raised her hand to hit:

- I exist! You don't exist!

And she hit, Tayla hit. And there was no Deborah anymore. Instead, Tayla opened her eyes.

Perhaps, you wonder what happened next. You ask if Tayla left her husband and her children. No, she did not. She could not leave. There is nothing amazing in this fact. She tied herself to them with thousands of threads; she weaved them all over herself from head to toes, just like a spider weaves his web over a caught fly. She could not leave them. She plaited the half of herself and could not go from it. But her husband didn't need Tayla from the High-Waters, he needed Deborah, a human Deborah, bringing up kids, Deborah, harvesting crop, Deborah, milking a cow, Deborah, laughing with him, Deborah, enjoying their human happiness. He didn't need Tayla, who walked other's dreams and souls. He didn't need Tayla, who stole other's dreams and their souls.

Was Deborah-Tayla the only one who plaited herself with a thousand of threads you might ask? No, he tied her to himself with thousands of threads too. He was making a human of her, and Deborah was making a human of herself. She was making a human of Tayla.

What's so wrong with it you might ask? Is it bad to be a human? And I'll tell you: order a fish to become a bird, order a wolf to become a bear, and you'll understand. Is it good for a wolf to be a bear? Is it good for a fish to be a bird? Will a wolf be living long as a bear? How long will a fish survive without water?

Tayla awakened, Tayla opened her eyes with anguish in her heart and understood that she was in the cage. And the cage belonged not to the one of her kind, not to the one who tasted blood, who defeated her in the Hunting, but it belonged to human. This human, not realizing it, took away her soul, put it in the cage and tied her to himself with thousands of threads.

For he gave her happiness. He gave her that happiness she was looking for. A human happiness that she was looking for.

And howled Tayla-Deborah from anguish, howled from the pain. She rushed, but two thousands of threads, three thousands of threads held her tight. She could not go from her husband, she could not go from her children. The ones of her kind and the one who was her pair were calling for her. The ones, whose life seemed gloomy and horrible for her, were calling for her, the ones she was running away from. And Tayla was suffering like a fish on sand, and she was trying to reach water, but her skin was burning, the skin of her soul, and there was no one to help her. For her husband could not understand what was happening to her, and he simply called her for happiness, peace, and joyful existence on the earth. And Tayla's skin burned, the skin of her soul was burning; and she needed a shadow, she needed twilights, she needed a night of her soul to have some rest. She could not leave nor stay.

So Tayla hanged herself in the house of her husband. The one who lost her soul had hanged. The one whose soul was taken by a human had hanged. The one who gave her soul away had hanged. The one who gave her soul for someone's happiness, not for her own.

And they say that from those times on, Tayla walks from life to life after her husband. And she is still trying to avoid burning rays of human life. No, Tayla is not afraid of sunrays, for ������� (����� �� ���� L) are not afraid of sun. But life in eternal sun burns them off, as it burns Tayla. And she remembers herself and tries to rip off the bonds, but she can't. She looks at the man close to her and asks "What happens with me? Why am I here? What did I come to him for?"

And no one know what the end of this tale is, and if Tayla left and had a rest. And we will not make up the end, for this tale was simply about how, having flown to someone else's light, Tayla sold her soul. Tayla, Tayla from the High-waters.

(с) Zau Targiski

translated by Ilaidj Cave